17 December 2024
I’m almost at the midway point in a self-led gratitude practice. Today is day 20 of a proposed 50-day continuous daily practice. It isn’t difficult. Finding something, or many things, people or privileges to dedicate my gratitude towards comes easily. I have a pretty good life and am surrounded by goodness most of the time. I don’t discount the fact that when I look at things on a global scale I can find things to worry about, to be enraged or sad about, or to be more realistic about and want to see big time evolutionary changes around. And yet, the most challenging part so far in this practice has been having grace for myself on the two days I didn’t get around to journaling. The practice has become reminding myself that perfection is not the point. That tendency runs deeply down into my cells. The inaccurate premise that if I perform flawlessly that I will “get somewhere.” I guess in a very meta- sense I am grateful that I don’t have to be perfectly grateful every single day. I don’t have to never miss a day in order to sense some benefits.
Approximately a decade ago, I was approaching a life-span milestone and I concocted a list of 40 things to do before I turned 40. A bucket list which served both as distraction from any cultural or personal conceptions of becoming (as only people my age or older will recognize as) “over the hill.” It was a fun and personal list of things to do. Some mundane and some wild, and some a little spicy. It was fun. I don’t think I completed the list until some time after my 40th birthday but I believe it served an important purpose for me at the time. I was able to see the celebratory nature of making it to that milestone. I was able to do this celebration both on solo adventures as well as ones that involved friends and loved ones. I was able to stay present with what was inevitable. And I was able to quell some of the ruminations about why I wasn’t “where” I should be yet – totally ingrained thought patterns which emerge as we hit these arbitrary check points in life.
So as I mentioned, this earlier experiment was about a decade ago. I am now gently approaching another decade marker. Well, I have about 14 months, so a very slow and gentle approach, indeed. What can I say? I’m a planner 😉 My gratitude practice is Phase One of my current experiment. Rather than repeat my bucket list experience I felt more drawn to a softer, and more yin-style this time around. I want the experience of staying present to the current moment – just without having to go skinny dipping under a full moon, or singing karaoke. And this slowing down, this cherishing the fact that yes, I’m alive and that is quite enough right now feels congruent with my values and my mission as a holistic practitioner. Let’s celebrate an unclenched and vibrant breathing diaphragm. Let’s double down on a good night’s rest. And after we give ourselves abundant and clear permission to just be alive, and curious, maybe there is a little voice inside saying yes to other things. By the time I eventually turn 50 I strive most to be surrounded by people I love and who love me.
